Does Advocating for Your Child With Special Needs Make You a Bully?

You know her—‘that mom’ who ceaselessly pushes for her child, who hounds the school with emails and questions. She has a reputation. But is she a bully, or just doing what she needs to for her kid? A local mother and former teacher weighs in.  

When I first started working in special education as a teacher aide eight years ago, I remember being warned about “that mom.” And as I continued on in the field working in different schools in different districts, I would always hear about “that mom” because, as I came to realize, every school has “that mom.” Most schools have several of them. 

I quickly learned that “that mom” was not a compliment. You were to stay away from “that mom.” You were supposed to tread lightly around “that mom” and you were to be very, very careful about what you say to “that mom.” 

By the time I became a teacher, I started to warn others about “that mom.” I hated dealing with “that mom.” So you could imagine the irony when I realized that, in the last few years that I have been dealing with my school district as a parent, I have become “that mom.” And, well, as “that mom” I feel it my duty to clear the air:

Dear Teacher/Principal/School Administrator:

It has come to my attention that I am being referred to as “that mom” and I am here to set the record straight. When I was a teacher I knew exactly what you meant about “that mom” and I believed every word of it. 

“That mom” is a pain. “That mom” tells you how to do your job. “That mom” comes at you with books to read and research to review. “That mom” never seems happy with what you are doing. “That mom” tries to convince you that there is something wrong with her child even when you can clearly see otherwise. 

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“That mom” just wants her child to get special treatment. “That mom” doesn’t respect your professional opinion. “That mom” isn’t happy about the services your school provides. “That mom” wants more and cannot just be satisfied by what you have to offer. “That mom” questions everything. 

“That mom” is constantly asking you for data and information to support what you say. “That mom” brings an advocate to her IEP meetings. “That mom” is crazy and overprotective. She is a trouble maker. She is every school district’s worst nightmare.

Well, I am here to tell you that I am not “that mom.” Rather, I am “this mom.” 

“This mom” has a child with extra needs. “This mom” fully understands that the challenges her child faces aren’t the end of the world—but, still, they are enough to make everyday life a bit more challenging.